Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Admittedly, the title of this post seems a bit self-indulgent…and perhaps seemingly a little bizarre, because at 24 years of age I’m presently not actually a great deal older. But in the intervening years, I’ve learned a heap of stuff and God has worked His wonders in my life immensely.  In the journey of life, I’ve also benefitted enormously from those who cared to tell me their experiences to build me up.  And so I write the core things that I would tell my anguished, 18 year-old, struggling-with-an-eating-disorder self, in the hope that someone reading this (who is going through the same) may feel encouraged, or look to the future with greater hope.

• Stop killing yourself.  There are some pretty awesome things waiting there for you in your future: your husband, your daughter, a university degree, abundant joy, lots of travelling and meeting so many interesting people.  You wouldn’t want to miss out on all that.
• Having said some of the great things that are coming your way, don’t for a minute place all your hope in any earthly relationship/activity, or think that anybody else/anything can make you make you happy, or make you complete.  It is only God and His presence that satisfies, fulfils and brings a deep joy.  Your mama, your spouse, your children, your education, your friends, your career, money, acceptance etc. cannot please you always.  After all is said and done, you will lay your head on the pillow at night and will still be left with an emptiness within that gnaws at you.  It’s only the Holy Spirit’s presence and your walk with God that can fill that.  Seek God.  Read His Word.  Pray always.  Just be quiet and wait for Him to move. You’ll find everything you need there, I promise.
• Honour your parents, even when they don’t deserve it or you don’t understand why they are behaving in a certain way.  Your best interest is usually at the forefront of their minds.  Also don’t forget that for them, seeing you emaciated, unhealthy and on the verge of a self-inflicted death is upsetting and hurtful; so be patient when they get angry.  Honouring your parents will also teach you the kind of humility that Jesus lived out himself.
• The approval of society is, in fact, not worth an iota.  Acceptance from men and women is temporary and changes with the wind.  Don’t compromise the unique beauty in you to please somebody else.  There’s something special about you that nobody else has, so don’t lose it in a bid to please society. EMBRACE what makes you different (inside and out).
• You don’t actually have to ‘fit in’.  You don’t.  And why would you want to? It’s kind of boring to act, think, be, and dress like everyone else.  So hold your head up high, be bold and confident.
• Affirm yourself daily and constantly.  Whenever you’ve a bad hair day or feeling pretty bad about yourself, choose to reject evil thoughts about yourself.  Instead of saying “I look ugly today”, immediately rebuke those thoughts which tear you down and appreciate God’s glorious handwork in you, build yourself up: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My body is amazing and beautiful for it was the Lord who crafted it. Thank you God, for making my eyes/hair/mouth/belly/thighs/legs…so beautiful!”
• Happiness is a choice.  You don’t need to let anyone take away the joy that is rightfully yours through their actions or words.  Do you want to be happy? Joy is there! You just have to be ready to take it, to choose it, to live it out.
• True love is not a feeling; it’s a lifelong commitment and a choice to stick with someone through thick and thin (whether a family member, a friend, or a spouse).  True love is selfless, kind, and does not rejoice in evil.  Express this kind of love always, with God’s help.  It will be pleasing to God and it will make your relationships healthier and stronger.  It will make you happier, too.
• Treat others how you want to be treated.  Even if someone disrespects or offends you, clothe yourself nevertheless with dignity and respect.  And don’t lose your faith in humanity; there are some people out there who are selfless even to the point of death.  Or selfless enough to drop everything for you, just to help you at your hour of need.
• Look at the children around you; you can usually learn a lot more from them than you can from any adult.  They embrace life and live it to the full.  They run, laugh, eat, and are merry.  They look at themselves in the mirror and smile, even revel in their reflection.  Don’t let life’s circumstances make you jaded.  Learn from the little children!
• You should not tolerate being defined, treated, demeaned, judged, or limited according to your appearance.  For anybody that is more interested in dissecting your body, your clothes, your make-up, and your hairstyle rather than simply hanging out with you and enjoying your company, you may want to re-think whether you want them in your life.
• Don’t let comparison steal your joy (okay, I stole this from an unknown source, but it rings true).
• You’re amazing and beautiful, Rebekah. Inside and out.

Now to you guys, are there any nuggets of encouragement or life lessons that you would tell your younger self if you could? What has this journey taught you that you would pass onto your children/younger ones?  Drop a comment if you feel led to do so.

Peace unto you always, beautiful people.

P.S. You can find us on Twitter at: @Psalm_139_14   and our Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/FearfullyWonderfully

“Women’s bodies are not our own but society’s”

~ Naomi Wolf.

Boy, I know the meaning and full depth of this quote.  All our lives, since birth into this world, society think it owns our bodies.  Society thinks it has a licence to dictate who fits its standard of beauty and who doesn’t; who qualifies to “fit in” according to their looks, and who doesn’t.  As we grow up, the pressure mounts (for both males and females) to look a certain way and to stay youthful and enduringly beautiful (whatever beautiful means anyway).  We’re encouraged to use whatever “add-ons” necessary (whether fake hair, fake tan, cosmetics, anti-acne cream, hair dye, bleaching lotions, jewellery, designer clothes, the list goes on…) in order to go one step further, to look that little bit more “attractive” or to achieve what fits the fashion bill at the time.

A few years back, appearance was a major obsession of mine – to an emotionally unhealthy degree.  I wouldn’t leave the house without having using all sorts of lotions and beauty products, which would result in a face full of piled-on make-up and excessively straightened hair.  I believed my popularity, self-worth and acceptance from others were all shaped by how I looked, so I took the appropriate steps to maintain some sort of feminine ideal.

However, for the past year or so I’ve been on an “au natural” campaign which involves using no lotions at all, no beauty products, no make-up, no hair styling, no clothes shopping, no visits to the hairdresser…NADA.  It’s not something I manage to keep up every single day in all honesty, but overall I think I’ve become pretty successful in it and I have just a little way to go until I can let go of old habits and obsessive behaviours.   And actually, by not being held down by consumerism and all things superficial, by asking God to pour out His love on me, by asking Him to show me how beautiful I am to Him, I feel liberated.  Finally.

But it doesn’t stop people from commenting on what they think I should change: “but the way you dress isn’t sexy”, “why don’t you do your hair like this?”, “you need to do x, y and z otherwise your husband will start looking elsewhere…”  This post isn’t meant to be a lament or life story, but to encourage anyone who thinks their success or place in life is measured by their outer appearance.   To lift up anyone who constantly compares themselves to a magazine index of beauty or to the pictures of models airbrushed to the hilt or even to their own peers.  For anyone who is being held back in achieving their dreams because of crippling low self-esteem.

Don’t let the evil and lies of this world hold you back or take your joy.  Don’t beat yourself up about how everyone else sees you because God has told us through Psalm 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  His ways are also higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.  That person rejected by society because of how he/she looks is still beautiful in the eyes of God the Creator and a glorious reflection of His handiwork.

But God doesn’t actually look at appearance, He looks at our hearts.  What is more important is the impact we are making in this world. In Chronicles 4, Jabez stood out amongst a LONG list of unmemorable names because he was more honourable than his brothers, because he prayed for God to be close to Him and because he cried out to God to enlarge his influence. The imprint we make on this world through our actions and how we impact the lives of others is something that will endure forever, but there’s nobody in this life that can hang onto the beauty of their outer appearance; we are living in a perishing world and every one of us is getting old.  What the LORD really requires of us is “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). 

Don’t allow low self-esteem or insecurity stop you from making your impact on the world or stop you from living a joy-filled, abundant life.  When people reject or put you down, ask God to renew, fill and satisfy you with His love. Ask Him to help you reject the lies that the world/people feed you and to give you strength and wisdom to walk according to His truth.

For anyone struggling in this area, I furthermore encourage you to read the poem I posted a couple of posts ago called “His image, His likeness” by Ayo Oduniyi. Try browsing the categories at the top of the page. Also, fill out the contact form and be in touch.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). 

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson wasn’t wrong in the above quote.  Society constantly sends out the message that being yourself just isn’t good enough.   It teaches us to continually compare ourselves with one another.  Even to compete.  Turn the pages of any secular magazine, browse the internet, walk along any high street, and there’s probably something there that will tell you how to fight the signs of ageing, how to stay slim and sexy, how to achieve someone else’s ‘look’, or more crudely a list which tells you who is hot and who is not.  Hey, quite a few corporations make big money through making you believe that the God-ordained, natural “you” just isn’t good enough to get along in this world!

Child of the Most High God, you are a wonderful work of the Creator of all things.  The One who brought the universe and all of creation into being also made you, and He made you fearfully and wonderfully.  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14).  You were not destined to constantly demean yourself (or to allow anyone else to demean you).  Nope. It wasn’t part of His great, good and wonderful plan for you to live in a perpetual cycle of self-hatred, insecurity or comparison to others.  It wasn’t His intention for you to be judged and treated in a certain way on account of your outer self.  The Almighty uniquely and wonderfully knit you together in your mother’s womb! He crafted all of your features because that’s how He wanted you to be.  He doesn’t want you any other way.  He made you and saw that you were good...A marvellous work…One that glorifies His unfathomable handiwork.

Don’t feel alone, because the Lord your God has been with you since the beginning and He is still with you.  Don’t feel unaccepted, because He takes great delight in you.  Be comforted because He will calm all your storms and quiet the voice of insecurity with His love.  Be strengthened because your Father in Heaven rejoices over you with singing.  (“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing” Zephaniah 3:17). 

Precious handiwork of the eternal Creator, apple of the Lord’s eye, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Don’t let anyone or anything convince you otherwise.

(I’ve posted this video before, but I don’t think we can tire of hearing the truth).

“Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him” (1 Corinthians 1:26-29).

There’s a man from my hometown who gave his life to Jesus some years back.  Before that, he was an alcoholic and drug addict and very much renowned for those amongst the townspeople.  Even though his life is reformed and the power of God is manifest through him, the labels of “alcoholic” and “druggie” are still very much ingrained in some people’s minds and continue to affect how they see him.  However, like so many who have been transformed by Christ, this man’s life is a living testimony of God’s healing power.  The life of this man, who people used to sneer at, is now bringing glory to God.

There are people who will only see your past, your mistakes or your shame and will accordingly place limitations on what they think you can achieve and what they believe you are capable of…That’s the man who’s been in prison……he’s the drunkard…nothing good will ever come of him/her…a leopard never changes its spots.  We can even place limitations on OURSELVES by thinking that because we’re not as knowledgeable as someone else, or because we come from a certain background/have done certain things, that we’re not as useful or important as that other person/people.

God sees you differently to how the world sees you.  He sees beyond the limitations you put on yourself.  He can take someone from the pit of shame and hopelessness and bring glory to His name through that person.  The apostle Paul said: “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst” (1 Timothy 1:15).  Paul was actively involved in persecuting the early Christian Church (Acts 8:3; Acts 9:1-2) but was converted to Christianity whilst on his way to persecute the Lord’s disciples.  Because of Paul’s reputation, the Church was initially afraid of him and couldn’t believe he was a disciple.  The man who set out to destroy the Church became God’s chosen instrument to carry His name to the people (Acts 9:15).  It was evident to all that Paul was a changed man: “At once he (Paul) began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God.  All those who heard him were astonished and asked, ‘Isn’t he the man who caused havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name?’” (Acts 9:20-21).

There are lots of examples of God using people who don’t seem necessarily special, wise or learned to the rest of society (e.g. Moses, David, Noah, Rahab), but were chosen by God to fulfil His plan and bring Him glory.  Jesus valued, respected and reached out to those that society didn’t esteem, or even those considered lowly or despised (for example women, tax collectors, prostitutes).  So don’t allow the limitations of other people to weigh you down.  Don’t let others define what you can achieve or do.  Though the world may look down on you, remember: “God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are” (1 Corinthians 1:29). 

Wherever you’re coming from, God can use you as His instrument.

“For the Son of man has come to seek and to save that which was lost” Luke 19:10.

Alongside the devotionals that we hope and pray will encourage you through your eating disorder recovery, we also want to use this blog as a platform to bring you news of campaigns and social movements that fight against media / corporate pressure to conform to their ideal of beauty and perfection.   We believe that the messages they send out about our bodies are lies, as we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” people of the Most High God.

So far, we have identified two suitable campaigns that we believe are worthy of support.  Here’s a reminder:

OPERATION BEAUTIFUL

http://operationbeautiful.com/

The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are enough… just the way you are!

CAMPAIGN FOR BODY CONDIFENCE

http://campaignforbodyconfidence.wordpress.com/

Campaign for Body Confidence believes that the pressure to conform to impossible stereotypes is damaging our sense of well-being and leading to increasing unhappiness, anxiety, low self-esteem, depression and eating disorders in women, particularly amongst young people and children – and men.  It pledges to influence the fashion, beauty, diet, and media industries and the government by campaigning for Body Confidence. This site also has an interesting blog.

These are not the only campaigns out there and we will be promoting appropriate others in the future.  We would also love to hear from you about similar campaigns.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

“God created man in His own image” (Genesis 1:27). 

With the images and messages delivered daily before our eyes and ears by newspapers, magazines, television programmes, films, music, advertisements and so on, it is little wonder that many people suffer with low self-esteem.  The media projects an unrealistic ideal for both men and women to aim for in terms of their physical attractiveness.  Plastic surgery, cosmetics, body-building formulas, fake tan, hair extensions and diet plans are celebrated as the answer to our insecurities and the solution to looking like the latest glossy or handsome celebrity.  Our culture teaches us to ridicule and be disgusted with so-called physical imperfections and use whatever means we can to fix them.  With our modern computer technology we can even edit images of ourselves into the mould we desire.

But the Word of God speaks a different message to that of the world, and for those who believe in it the struggle for self-acceptance is a battle that can be won.  It is the devil’s lie that you are worthless, inferior, ugly, abnormal, or whatever falsehood he throws at you.  When we study and meditate on God’s Word then the truth of how He intricately created us and loves us will set us free from the bondage of low self-esteem.

God created us in His own image (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 5:1-2) therefore we should not condemn, criticise or have disbelief in the magnificent beauty that He created in us.  God in His glory, splendour and power did not create a mistake.  Every one of us is a MASTERPIECE of the most High God: “you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14).  The shape of your body was crafted by the Lord, and the colour of your skin and each mark was designed for His pleasure; it is pleasing in His sight (Genesis 1:31).  And what’s more, God himself breathed the very life into you through His Holy Spirit (Genesis 2:7, Job 33:4).  It is God who made you, and I, and we belong to Him (Psalm 100:3).  Appreciate the wonder He made in you and keep sacred the body that He made for you (1 Corinthians 6:20).

Perhaps others have used words that have discouraged you or made you feel unloved.  It may be that you have been mocked because you don’t fit into the world’s vision of beauty.  Whatever anguish you are experiencing or baggage you are carrying, know that you are precious in God’s sight and His thoughts towards you are innumerable (Psalm 139:17-18).  Whenever you are tempted to feel downcast and worthless, quote the scriptures about how fearfully and wonderfully you are made.  Even if you have to repeat it ten, fifty, one hundred, or even more times a day, do not stop proclaiming the truth.

You are loved. You are beautiful. You are precious.You are fearfully and wonderfully made!