Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

Very often, eating disorders are triggered by a person’s need to control something in a world where little else is in their control.  Stressful circumstances and perhaps hurtful comments can cause emotional pain that leave the person feeling powerless or worthless.  As a result, to regain control – and in some cases to feel a sense of accomplishment – the person begins to manage their food intake and weight to dangerous levels.

Perhaps if I was thinner, my parents would be prouder of me…

If I lost weight, then I wouldn’t be bullied anymore and I would fit in with everyone else…

If I could only drop a few dress sizes, maybe he will notice me…

When I look a certain way, then I know I will finally be happy…

It’s not unusual to think that if we look a particular way or size, or achieve certain things in life, then we will be happy or make other people love us and accept us more.  But in truth, even after gaining what we set out to get, these temporary pleasures do not bring contentment or meaning to our lives.  Not in the long-term.

^“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure…Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 2:10-11).

If there was any earthly pleasure the author of Ecclesiastes wanted, he tasted or acquired it.   Yet still, those lust and worldly pleasures were “meaningless, a chasing after the wind”.  That is because true joy cannot be found in what the world tells us will make us happy.  Joy cannot be sustained by looking a certain way or by ‘fitting in’ with the rest of the world.   Not even earthly relationships will make us happy because disappointment and unfilled expectations taint even the most wonderful and peaceful of relationships.  Neither do those that care for us always understand our worries and troubles (through no fault of their own), or be physically and emotionally there for us every time we need them.

The thrill of fleshly lusts soon passes, but God is steadfast and faithful.  His word and promises stand forever (Isaiah 40:8).  His love is not conditional but everlasting (Jeremiah 31:3), and his lovingkindness better than life (Psalm 63:3)!  He doesn’t judge you on your outward appearance, but looks at what’s in your heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

Each day brings its own troubles, concerns and worries.  But allow God to be the one to take control.  God will provide all your needs through the saviour Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:19), whether it be material necessities or love, joy, peace…the Lord will provide it.  All you need to do is “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).  Shut out the lies of the world and focus on the truths from the word of God.  Only in His presence and through His truths can true joy and pleasure be found (Psalm 16:11).

Many people assume that eating disorders are brought about by someone’s unhealthy relationship with food, because of low self-esteem, self-hatred or the desire to look like a stick-thin celebrity.  Some of those things may be partly influential.  But from personal experience, I can say that none of these were major factors towards the anorexia I developed.  It was the infamous “voice” that so many people with eating disorders battle with.  It’s not easy to describe to people who haven’t experienced it, but it happens something like this:

“The voices I heard, I heard them for years. All the time. They didn’t stop. When I slept I dreamed of war. The voices were inside me, inside my head, a piece of me, perhaps never to be gone. I was scared because I didn’t know what to do. I heard these voices telling me not to eat, so strong and convincing… They continued to fight in my head. I couldn’t remember a time they weren’t there. I was so used to it; the battle in my brain. Sometimes I thought I was crazy. If people only knew how my mind was continuously busy, thinking, rationalizing my thinking and behaviour, wondering, doubting, believing, I believed they would question my sanity”.

The Bible says, “for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12).  The voice that pushes people to self-destructive behaviour and takes control over every moment of the person’s life is from the evil spiritual powers in the world.   The devil prowls around like a lion seeking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8), to destroy life, to kill.

In the midst of this terrible darkness and evil, even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we can find our way out through the light that is Jesus Christ.  It doesn’t mean that the walk will be easy, but He will hold you and comfort you at every step of the journey to freedom.  No matter how great your problem, sorrow, worry or fear, God is a refuge in whom you can find a safe haven:  “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling” (Psalm 46:1-3).

God will be your rod and staff when it gets tough, your support and your strength.  He is sovereign, all-powerful, and more than able to defeat your enemies, “the Lord your God is the one that goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory” (Deuteronomy 20:4).  So do not fear the terror by night, not the arrow that flies by day (Psalm 91:5), or the voices that you think will never leave you alone.  Stand firm in the strength of the Lord and resist the lies of the evil one (1 Peter 5:9).   Fix your eyes on the Lord and stand on the wonderful promises of God.  For the Lord has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Fear not, for the Lord is with you.  He will lead you beside still waters.  He will refresh your soul.  He will guide you along the right paths.  He will comfort you. (Psalm 23:1-4).

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8). 

Peace be unto you.

(Excerpt taken from: http://www.bulimia.com/client/client_pages/recovery_thevoicesiheard.cfm)

“Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:13-14). 

It’s often common for people to say that once a person has experienced an eating disorder, it never goes away. Somehow, at some place in time, it will either reoccur or haunt you and your thoughts for the rest of your life.  And I believed it for a time. Even when I returned to a healthy weight, the battle was still very much going on in my mind.  But through growing in the knowledge of the Lord and His word and love, I am no longer tormented by the thoughts that use to trouble my mind.  Although it seems impossible, God can take away that thing which is enslaving you and stopping you feeling peace, and you never have to see it again.

This is the message that Moses gave to the Israelites when they were pursued by their Egyptian slave masters in the wildness.  After being delivered from generations of hard and bitter bondage in Egypt, it seemed like the Israelites would be at the hands of their oppressors once again.  But Moses told the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:13-14).  God provided dry ground through the sea as a way of escape for the Israelites and took away the Egyptians from their lives.

In the same way that God made a way for the Israelites, He will do so for you.  He will part seas for you.  He is still an extraordinary God who works miracles.  Whichever Egyptian is making your life bitter, don’t be afraid and don’t give up.  All that is required of you is to be still, rest in the Lord and trust He will do it.  Don’t worry about what you can’t control, instead put it into the safe hands of God who is able to exceedingly and abundantly more than you could ever imagine. (Ephesians 3:20).