Church stories: Facing my brother’s addiction
I read a heart-rending story over at Rachel Held Evans’ blog which I feel so compelled to link up to, as I’m sure the story resonates with many who have been through/going through an addiction, eating disorder, or mental health problems, yet have felt so alone in the midst of their faith community:
Church stories: Facing my brother’s addiction.
An excerpt:
“I’m not sure when my brother died.
It’s tricky because while in some ways he’s very much alive – he breathes, eats, sleeps and has temporal mass –in others he is a walking ghost.
For at least the last decade and arguably several years longer, my baby brother has been an addict. Alcohol, women, opiates – he dabbles in many vices. All of them destructive. All of them expensive in myriads of ways. All of them symptoms of larger problems no professional can seem to accurately assess, diagnose or cure…
We are not a periphery family. My parents were close friends with much of our pastoral staff at the church I grew up in. In the past decade I have been a youth worker at several churches, worked at various faith-based nonprofits, served as a missionary and was a seminary student. The faith community is central to the bedrock of our family.
And yet people of faith have routinely sucked.
I have been told his addiction is my fault, my parent’s fault, Satan’s fault. I have been told I am simply not praying hard enough or I simply do not have enough faith. I have been told my life is too stressful for someone to be in community with me. I have been accused of being a bad youth worker since I couldn’t even keep my brother out of trouble. I have been told this is God’s plan for our family and if we just keep persevering, God’s glory will be known and it will all be worth it. I have been told that my suffering at my brother’s choice is simply “my cross to bear.”
None of that was helpful.
None of that was loving.
None of it was the correct response”.
Do click on the link above and check it out.
Shalom!
Sadly, I don’t find this shocking. Why oh why are people of faith so stingy with their love and compassion for one of their own?
Pretty much all of the above I have heard said to my dear friend, who suffers from diabetes Type 1 and a myriad of other disorders, as a result of her diabetes being MISDIAGNOSED for over 2 years. That no one wants to be in community with this woman because her life is too stressful (because of her brother’s addiction) is the lamest excuse I’ve heard, yet my friend gets that more often than not, too. Oh, and the ‘you must be harboring some “secret sin” ‘ is the other one ‘friends of faith’ like to shoot her down with. It’s pathetic. What are we doing, what are we thinking here? Are these kinds of responses and attitudes filed under “WWJD?” HA — I think not.
My heart goes out to this woman and anyone who finds themselves at the mercy (term used loosely here) of people who claim to be Christians (literally translated ‘little Christs’).
Once again, THAT SONG comes to mind: and they’ll know we are Christians by our love. Is it just a song we sing? We should be living the lyrics.
Thanks for sharing this, my friend. All of us — myself included — need to take a long, hard, deep look into our hearts daily, along with God. Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!!!
Pam
Wow! I’m sorry for your friend. People can be more than insensitive at times. And what the lady said is so applicable: “None of that was helpful. None of that was loving. None of it was the correct response”.
I’m probably guilty of saying the wrong things too. I pray God gives us the wisdom to encourage and uplift our brothers and sisters. That is a wonderful prayer for us all: “Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!!!”
Thank you, my friend. God bless you now and always