Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting
“Women’s bodies are not our own but society’s”
~ Naomi Wolf.
Boy, I know the meaning and full depth of this quote. All our lives, since birth into this world, society think it owns our bodies. Society thinks it has a licence to dictate who fits its standard of beauty and who doesn’t; who qualifies to “fit in” according to their looks, and who doesn’t. As we grow up, the pressure mounts (for both males and females) to look a certain way and to stay youthful and enduringly beautiful (whatever beautiful means anyway). We’re encouraged to use whatever “add-ons” necessary (whether fake hair, fake tan, cosmetics, anti-acne cream, hair dye, bleaching lotions, jewellery, designer clothes, the list goes on…) in order to go one step further, to look that little bit more “attractive” or to achieve what fits the fashion bill at the time.
A few years back, appearance was a major obsession of mine – to an emotionally unhealthy degree. I wouldn’t leave the house without having using all sorts of lotions and beauty products, which would result in a face full of piled-on make-up and excessively straightened hair. I believed my popularity, self-worth and acceptance from others were all shaped by how I looked, so I took the appropriate steps to maintain some sort of feminine ideal.
However, for the past year or so I’ve been on an “au natural” campaign which involves using no lotions at all, no beauty products, no make-up, no hair styling, no clothes shopping, no visits to the hairdresser…NADA. It’s not something I manage to keep up every single day in all honesty, but overall I think I’ve become pretty successful in it and I have just a little way to go until I can let go of old habits and obsessive behaviours. And actually, by not being held down by consumerism and all things superficial, by asking God to pour out His love on me, by asking Him to show me how beautiful I am to Him, I feel liberated. Finally.
But it doesn’t stop people from commenting on what they think I should change: “but the way you dress isn’t sexy”, “why don’t you do your hair like this?”, “you need to do x, y and z otherwise your husband will start looking elsewhere…” This post isn’t meant to be a lament or life story, but to encourage anyone who thinks their success or place in life is measured by their outer appearance. To lift up anyone who constantly compares themselves to a magazine index of beauty or to the pictures of models airbrushed to the hilt or even to their own peers. For anyone who is being held back in achieving their dreams because of crippling low self-esteem.
Don’t let the evil and lies of this world hold you back or take your joy. Don’t beat yourself up about how everyone else sees you because God has told us through Psalm 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. His ways are also higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts. That person rejected by society because of how he/she looks is still beautiful in the eyes of God the Creator and a glorious reflection of His handiwork.
But God doesn’t actually look at appearance, He looks at our hearts. What is more important is the impact we are making in this world. In Chronicles 4, Jabez stood out amongst a LONG list of unmemorable names because he was more honourable than his brothers, because he prayed for God to be close to Him and because he cried out to God to enlarge his influence. The imprint we make on this world through our actions and how we impact the lives of others is something that will endure forever, but there’s nobody in this life that can hang onto the beauty of their outer appearance; we are living in a perishing world and every one of us is getting old. What the LORD really requires of us is “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).
Don’t allow low self-esteem or insecurity stop you from making your impact on the world or stop you from living a joy-filled, abundant life. When people reject or put you down, ask God to renew, fill and satisfy you with His love. Ask Him to help you reject the lies that the world/people feed you and to give you strength and wisdom to walk according to His truth.
For anyone struggling in this area, I furthermore encourage you to read the poem I posted a couple of posts ago called “His image, His likeness” by Ayo Oduniyi. Try browsing the categories at the top of the page. Also, fill out the contact form and be in touch.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
Rebekah,
Oh, you are so right with what you’ve shared here. I’ve fallen into this trap far too often in my life, always checking out my image in any available mirror or glass window or door, to make sure I look ‘perfect.’ I’m really just a jeans and T-shirt kind of gal, but so often, either by the media or by ‘well meaning friends,’ I’m urged to dress nicer, sexier, do something different with my hair and makeup. Ugh. I remember once, long ago, I went to work without makeup, and one of my more melodramatic coworkers actually screamed and said, “OMG, what happened? You look like you’re dead!” Nice, huh?
Trying to raise a teen age daughter and son in this overly airbrushed society has been difficult, even with the various Christian influences they have in their lives, they still struggle to see themselves as God sees them. I know far too many people whose teens have eating disorders. And those shows, like America’s Top Model, just reinforce that ‘you have to look/be perfect,’ with women being voted off the show each week because they don’t measure up. Because they aren’t good enough. What a crock!
Thanks so much, for your encouragement here, Rebekah; for always reminding us how special we are to God; how much He loves us and that He is forever more concerned with what’s on the inside of us, than what’s on the outside.
Have you ever heard of a song by Christian singer Jonny Diaz, called “More Beautiful You?” If not, I encourage you to check it out. Both the video and the lyrics are somewhat haunting, and it reinforces all that you strive to warn and remind folks of here on your wonderful blog.
At His feet,
Pam
Oh my, Pam. You made me cry my friend. I completely relate to what you’re saying and what you’ve experienced. And that has happened to me too! I’ve gone somewhere looking natural and casual only to be greeting by an exclamation of “What happened?!” And sometimes I don’t always respond with the love of Christ but with a sarcastic comment, which isn’t good, but those kind of comments cut deep right? I’ve also been told by several sources (some in the Church community!) that I need to dress nice because it will stop my husband from looking around. I’m not sure where that philosophy comes from. My husband doesn’t look around because he fears God and tries to walk closely with the Lord, not because of how I look.
I also have a daughter but she’s still young, so I can only imagine the difficulties you’re going through. These bad influences surround our vulnerable sons and daughters and it’s really hard to rail against all they know from their peers and the media. Sadly, some people don’t realize how harmful it all is (through no fault of their own) because we’re so used to it being normal. I totally agree, Pam. America’s Top Model and the likes are just pure callousness. I’m putting your children in my prayers
I’m not familiar with that song, but I will definitely check it out. God bless you for linking me up to that. And thank you for your constant encouragement; I do so appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like I’m going mad, but you always give me a word in those times and truly lift me up.
May God bless you, comfort you and hold you forever in the palm of His hands. You’re His beautiful, special daughter.
Thank you my friend, with much love,
Rebekah