Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I read a heart-rending story over at Rachel Held Evans’ blog which I feel so compelled to link up to, as I’m sure the story resonates with many who have been through/going through an addiction, eating disorder, or mental health problems, yet have felt so alone in the midst of their faith community:

Church stories: Facing my brother’s addiction.

An excerpt:

“I’m not sure when my brother died.

It’s tricky because while in some ways he’s very much alive – he breathes, eats, sleeps and has temporal mass –in others he is a walking ghost.

For at least the last decade and arguably several years longer, my baby brother has been an addict. Alcohol, women, opiates – he dabbles in many vices. All of them destructive. All of them expensive in myriads of ways. All of them symptoms of larger problems no professional can seem to accurately assess, diagnose or cure…

We are not a periphery family. My parents were close friends with much of our pastoral staff at the church I grew up in. In the past decade I have been a youth worker at several churches, worked at various faith-based nonprofits, served as a missionary and was a seminary student. The faith community is central to the bedrock of our family.

And yet people of faith have routinely sucked.

I have been told his addiction is my fault, my parent’s fault, Satan’s fault. I have been told I am simply not praying hard enough or I simply do not have enough faith. I have been told my life is too stressful for someone to be in community with me. I have been accused of being a bad youth worker since I couldn’t even keep my brother out of trouble. I have been told this is God’s plan for our family and if we just keep persevering, God’s glory will be known and it will all be worth it. I have been told that my suffering at my brother’s choice is simply “my cross to bear.”

None of that was helpful.

None of that was loving.

None of it was the correct response”.

Do click on the link above and check it out.

Shalom!

Admittedly, the title of this post seems a bit self-indulgent…and perhaps seemingly a little bizarre, because at 24 years of age I’m presently not actually a great deal older. But in the intervening years, I’ve learned a heap of stuff and God has worked His wonders in my life immensely.  In the journey of life, I’ve also benefitted enormously from those who cared to tell me their experiences to build me up.  And so I write the core things that I would tell my anguished, 18 year-old, struggling-with-an-eating-disorder self, in the hope that someone reading this (who is going through the same) may feel encouraged, or look to the future with greater hope.

• Stop killing yourself.  There are some pretty awesome things waiting there for you in your future: your husband, your daughter, a university degree, abundant joy, lots of travelling and meeting so many interesting people.  You wouldn’t want to miss out on all that.
• Having said some of the great things that are coming your way, don’t for a minute place all your hope in any earthly relationship/activity, or think that anybody else/anything can make you make you happy, or make you complete.  It is only God and His presence that satisfies, fulfils and brings a deep joy.  Your mama, your spouse, your children, your education, your friends, your career, money, acceptance etc. cannot please you always.  After all is said and done, you will lay your head on the pillow at night and will still be left with an emptiness within that gnaws at you.  It’s only the Holy Spirit’s presence and your walk with God that can fill that.  Seek God.  Read His Word.  Pray always.  Just be quiet and wait for Him to move. You’ll find everything you need there, I promise.
• Honour your parents, even when they don’t deserve it or you don’t understand why they are behaving in a certain way.  Your best interest is usually at the forefront of their minds.  Also don’t forget that for them, seeing you emaciated, unhealthy and on the verge of a self-inflicted death is upsetting and hurtful; so be patient when they get angry.  Honouring your parents will also teach you the kind of humility that Jesus lived out himself.
• The approval of society is, in fact, not worth an iota.  Acceptance from men and women is temporary and changes with the wind.  Don’t compromise the unique beauty in you to please somebody else.  There’s something special about you that nobody else has, so don’t lose it in a bid to please society. EMBRACE what makes you different (inside and out).
• You don’t actually have to ‘fit in’.  You don’t.  And why would you want to? It’s kind of boring to act, think, be, and dress like everyone else.  So hold your head up high, be bold and confident.
• Affirm yourself daily and constantly.  Whenever you’ve a bad hair day or feeling pretty bad about yourself, choose to reject evil thoughts about yourself.  Instead of saying “I look ugly today”, immediately rebuke those thoughts which tear you down and appreciate God’s glorious handwork in you, build yourself up: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My body is amazing and beautiful for it was the Lord who crafted it. Thank you God, for making my eyes/hair/mouth/belly/thighs/legs…so beautiful!”
• Happiness is a choice.  You don’t need to let anyone take away the joy that is rightfully yours through their actions or words.  Do you want to be happy? Joy is there! You just have to be ready to take it, to choose it, to live it out.
• True love is not a feeling; it’s a lifelong commitment and a choice to stick with someone through thick and thin (whether a family member, a friend, or a spouse).  True love is selfless, kind, and does not rejoice in evil.  Express this kind of love always, with God’s help.  It will be pleasing to God and it will make your relationships healthier and stronger.  It will make you happier, too.
• Treat others how you want to be treated.  Even if someone disrespects or offends you, clothe yourself nevertheless with dignity and respect.  And don’t lose your faith in humanity; there are some people out there who are selfless even to the point of death.  Or selfless enough to drop everything for you, just to help you at your hour of need.
• Look at the children around you; you can usually learn a lot more from them than you can from any adult.  They embrace life and live it to the full.  They run, laugh, eat, and are merry.  They look at themselves in the mirror and smile, even revel in their reflection.  Don’t let life’s circumstances make you jaded.  Learn from the little children!
• You should not tolerate being defined, treated, demeaned, judged, or limited according to your appearance.  For anybody that is more interested in dissecting your body, your clothes, your make-up, and your hairstyle rather than simply hanging out with you and enjoying your company, you may want to re-think whether you want them in your life.
• Don’t let comparison steal your joy (okay, I stole this from an unknown source, but it rings true).
• You’re amazing and beautiful, Rebekah. Inside and out.

Now to you guys, are there any nuggets of encouragement or life lessons that you would tell your younger self if you could? What has this journey taught you that you would pass onto your children/younger ones?  Drop a comment if you feel led to do so.

Peace unto you always, beautiful people.

P.S. You can find us on Twitter at: @Psalm_139_14   and our Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/FearfullyWonderfully

“Who am I,
What is the purpose of my life on this planet?

Many go through life unfulfilled, unfocused, searching..
A blank canvas waiting for a picture of purpose to be painted on it..
What does it all mean?
It was once said that there was a god-shaped blank in all of us,
we looked for many things to fill this, friends, fashion, ballspace, fornication and the facade of drug-induced fantasies, but follow me..”

I was reading the book of Ephesians the other day and a certain verse really struck a chord with me: “Remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world” (Ephesians 2:12).  As I read it I remembered those dark, fearful, hopeless days when I did not know Jesus; when I put my trust, hope and energy into other things.  But those things never did bring me joy, peace or security. I was without hope and without God.  I looked back at those times and how God intervened in my life and saved me from destruction (even though I didn’t even ask Him into my life or know much about Him at all).  And I was overwhelmed by his mercy and love.

It could be addiction, fear, anxiety, paranoia, depression, insomnia, low self-esteem, lust, a difficult marriage, financial insecurity, worry about the kids, or any other thing that afflicts you daily and steals your peace.  Whatever you are burdened by, there’s nothing and no-one else in this world that will ever wholly release you from troubling thoughts other than Jesus: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27).

From what I know and my testimony, there’s nothing that can fill the emptiness of the soul but Jesus.  No-one that can give perfect love like Jesus does.  No-one that can bring comfort in times of anguish like Jesus does.  No-one who has a name as powerful as Jesus.  No-one who can bring a fragmented life back together like Jesus can.  His is the sweetest name you could ever know.

I’d like to share this song with you.  It’s really simple, yet really powerful.  This song has strengthened me through some tough times and I hope it will bless you too.

Peace!

“Everywhere you look you see people searching for love… but they’re looking in the wrong places. God is love, and they will never find what they’re looking for until they find Him” (xxxChurch).

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson wasn’t wrong in the above quote.  Society constantly sends out the message that being yourself just isn’t good enough.   It teaches us to continually compare ourselves with one another.  Even to compete.  Turn the pages of any secular magazine, browse the internet, walk along any high street, and there’s probably something there that will tell you how to fight the signs of ageing, how to stay slim and sexy, how to achieve someone else’s ‘look’, or more crudely a list which tells you who is hot and who is not.  Hey, quite a few corporations make big money through making you believe that the God-ordained, natural “you” just isn’t good enough to get along in this world!

Child of the Most High God, you are a wonderful work of the Creator of all things.  The One who brought the universe and all of creation into being also made you, and He made you fearfully and wonderfully.  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14).  You were not destined to constantly demean yourself (or to allow anyone else to demean you).  Nope. It wasn’t part of His great, good and wonderful plan for you to live in a perpetual cycle of self-hatred, insecurity or comparison to others.  It wasn’t His intention for you to be judged and treated in a certain way on account of your outer self.  The Almighty uniquely and wonderfully knit you together in your mother’s womb! He crafted all of your features because that’s how He wanted you to be.  He doesn’t want you any other way.  He made you and saw that you were good...A marvellous work…One that glorifies His unfathomable handiwork.

Don’t feel alone, because the Lord your God has been with you since the beginning and He is still with you.  Don’t feel unaccepted, because He takes great delight in you.  Be comforted because He will calm all your storms and quiet the voice of insecurity with His love.  Be strengthened because your Father in Heaven rejoices over you with singing.  (“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing” Zephaniah 3:17). 

Precious handiwork of the eternal Creator, apple of the Lord’s eye, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Don’t let anyone or anything convince you otherwise.

(I’ve posted this video before, but I don’t think we can tire of hearing the truth).

“Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him” (1 Corinthians 1:26-29).

There’s a man from my hometown who gave his life to Jesus some years back.  Before that, he was an alcoholic and drug addict and very much renowned for those amongst the townspeople.  Even though his life is reformed and the power of God is manifest through him, the labels of “alcoholic” and “druggie” are still very much ingrained in some people’s minds and continue to affect how they see him.  However, like so many who have been transformed by Christ, this man’s life is a living testimony of God’s healing power.  The life of this man, who people used to sneer at, is now bringing glory to God.

There are people who will only see your past, your mistakes or your shame and will accordingly place limitations on what they think you can achieve and what they believe you are capable of…That’s the man who’s been in prison……he’s the drunkard…nothing good will ever come of him/her…a leopard never changes its spots.  We can even place limitations on OURSELVES by thinking that because we’re not as knowledgeable as someone else, or because we come from a certain background/have done certain things, that we’re not as useful or important as that other person/people.

God sees you differently to how the world sees you.  He sees beyond the limitations you put on yourself.  He can take someone from the pit of shame and hopelessness and bring glory to His name through that person.  The apostle Paul said: “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst” (1 Timothy 1:15).  Paul was actively involved in persecuting the early Christian Church (Acts 8:3; Acts 9:1-2) but was converted to Christianity whilst on his way to persecute the Lord’s disciples.  Because of Paul’s reputation, the Church was initially afraid of him and couldn’t believe he was a disciple.  The man who set out to destroy the Church became God’s chosen instrument to carry His name to the people (Acts 9:15).  It was evident to all that Paul was a changed man: “At once he (Paul) began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God.  All those who heard him were astonished and asked, ‘Isn’t he the man who caused havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name?’” (Acts 9:20-21).

There are lots of examples of God using people who don’t seem necessarily special, wise or learned to the rest of society (e.g. Moses, David, Noah, Rahab), but were chosen by God to fulfil His plan and bring Him glory.  Jesus valued, respected and reached out to those that society didn’t esteem, or even those considered lowly or despised (for example women, tax collectors, prostitutes).  So don’t allow the limitations of other people to weigh you down.  Don’t let others define what you can achieve or do.  Though the world may look down on you, remember: “God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are” (1 Corinthians 1:29). 

Wherever you’re coming from, God can use you as His instrument.

“For the Son of man has come to seek and to save that which was lost” Luke 19:10.

“No one is like you, O LORD; you are great, and your name is mighty in power” (Jeremiah 10:6). 

Today I heard a pastor recall the story of a German soldier who had witnessed and participated in many atrocities in the Second World War.  This soldier came home to his family at the end of the war traumatised and filled with bitterness.  Out of his anger, the soldier habitually beat his son black and blue and deprived him of the love that every child needs.  As his son grew up, he gradually came to depend on alcohol as a means to fill the emptiness in his life that had emanated from his loveless childhood.  His problem with alcohol eventually took his life, leaving his wife without a husband and his children without a father.  Though Hitler’s murderous reign ended over sixty years ago, the fallout from his regime is still causing destruction in people’s lives and families even today.  Even though he was only in power for twelve years, his actions and decisions have negatively impacted generation after generation.

However, the impact of Jesus Christ is greater than that of any other who has walked this earth.  He saves and redeems lives.  He builds up rather than tears down.  He gives hope to the hopeless and shines His light in the darkness.  He brings the lost from the pit of despair.  Perhaps the actions and decisions of someone else have caused you great pain, sown the seeds of bitterness within you, or pushed you to find solace in one addiction or the other.  The Lord cares about that (“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle” Psalm 56:8), but He doesn’t want you to remain a captive of your situation.  Jesus invites us to take all our burdens, cares and worries to Him and He will give us rest:  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  Nobody in this life escapes trials or tough times, but the God of all comfort is there to carry us through.  He is greater than the evil in the world and the problems we face: “What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

Every day I am reminded that my priorities are wrong and that I keep putting my hope in things that will never bring me continual joy or peace.  The Lord keeps pulling me back to Him and showing me that he is the true source of eternal joy and the One who fulfils all my needs.  That he is the Author and Finisher of my faith. The I Am that I Am.  The Beginning and the End.  Who was, and is, and is to come.  The Creator of the ends of the earth.  The Living Hope.  “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold” (Psalm 18:2).  There is none like the Lord.  None that satisfies or loves us as much as He does.

If you’ve not experienced the sweet love of the Lord or are looking to know more about the Bible, take a look at a few of the recommended links (ucb.co.uk is quite useful).

And for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed or lost, take a listen to this calming song.

Peace!

God I look to you

I won’t be overwhelmed

Give me vision to see things like you do

God I look to you

You’re where my help comes from

Give me wisdom

You know just what to do

I will love You Lord my strength
And I will love you Lord my shield
And I will love You Lord my rock
Forever all my days I will love you God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Forever all my days Hallelujah

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing” (Psalm 16:1-2).

An addiction, obsession or dependency on a particular ‘thing’ (whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex, food, size 0 figure etc.) can be provoked by numerous and diverse factors, such as stressful circumstances or a dissatisfaction with life.  What starts out as a one-off incident or emotion can snowball into a life-threatening addiction.  Though each individual experience is unique, many addictions begin because of hopelessness or depression, as a means of release from life and circumstances, or to avoid the root of the problem.

There is nothing in the world that will ever satisfy or give us hope and safety as God does.  A high-flying career may give you recognition and the income for a great standard of living, but it doesn’t guarantee immunity from feeling depression and emptiness.  A nice house and classy car could make you the envy of your neighbours and friends, but you will only continue wanting more possessions unless you know the ultimate meaning of your life.

Even when surrounded by our closest friends and family, we can still feel gnawing loneliness because in all sincerity, their love and company is not enough to satisfy our deepest needs.  The greatest blessings in life cannot compete with the sweet presence of God, which is why the Psalmist said: “Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing” (Psalm 16:1-2).  The times when I feel the greatest anguish are those when I feel God is silent, because God’s presence is the ultimate joy and without His love and direction, I’m lost.

Finding release or temporary satisfaction through certain substances or activities won’t remove a problem or negative feeling.  They become addictions and dependencies which only become like a living nightmare as you lose your grip of control and war rages in your mind.  No matter what trial or temptation you are facing, God’s presence is a refuge in which you can find rest and joy: “In your presence is fullness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).

Though life doesn’t go according to your plan…though people hurt, reject, disappoint or don’t love you as much as you want to be loved…though you’ve just relapsed…don’t fear and don’t be dismayed.  God desires to carry and comfort you when you are weak, hopeless, angry or lonely: “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:30-31). 

Here’s a lovely piece called Footprints which beautifully expresses God’s comfort and care:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.  Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.  In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.  Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.  This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.  So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.  But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.”

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade” (1 Peter 1:3-4). 

I had so much to write in this post today, but I just couldn’t “put pen to paper”.  I was carrying a load and had nothing within me left to say.  So I’ll let this beautiful and simple song by Michael W. Smith say it all. Peace!

“I was lost when you found me here
You pulled me close and held me near
And I’m a fool but still you love
I’ll be your fool for the king of love

He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from you
And all I want is all of you

It’s grace, grace
I’m nothing without you
Grace, your grace
Shines on me

And there’ve been days when I’ve walked away
Too much to carry
Nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord when I’m weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross

And all these years you’ve carried me
You’ve been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain

It’s grace, your grace
I’m nothing without you
Grace, your grace
Shines on me
Your grace, your grace
I’m nothing without you…”

(p.s. Thanks to my friend, Shirley, for first introducing me to this song!)

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:11).

There is great power in knowing the truth.  Whenever a negative thought or emotion enters your head, counteract it with Biblical truths so you don’t allow them to spiral out of control and trigger past habits.

When you feel rejected or unaccepted by your peers, focus your mind on the fact that: “In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him” (I John 4:9).  His love is the only unshakeable, pure, perfect, sacrificial, eternal, immeasurable love that we can receive.   Meditate on His love and how to please Him rather than seeking the changeable love and respect of others.

When you fear what other people will think or say about you know that the Creator does not want you to be conformed to, or controlled by, the pattern or worries of the world.  His greatest desire is that you should put Him first in your life, fellowship with Him, trust Him and love others as He has loved you.  “What does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

When you feel insecure and worthless, reflect: “for You formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth” (Psalm 139:13-15).  The Master of the universe, the heavens and the earth created you.  How precious and wonderful you are!

When you think you’ve got no strength left and can’t fight your eating disorder any more, realise the power of: “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 Thessalonians 4:4).   The power of God is greater than the issue you’re struggling with and greater than the evil that is in the world. You can overcome through faith and with the help of the Almighty.

Don’t allow any negative thought or emotions to control your life.  Take charge of them and fight them with God’s word.   Fix your heart and mind on the Word of God and seek His presence.   Avoid films, books, magazines, music, tv programmes or places that trigger such negative thoughts.  Turn to activities and resources that edify and encourage you, such as http://www.365promises.com/

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).