Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I’ve found that the moments of greatest peace and closeness to God have been in separating myself from the world and meditating on God’s creation.  Moments like those when sitting on a rock at the top of a cold and breezy hill; gazing down at the countryside; walking slowly through the glorious rain; looking up at the stars whilst camping in Sudan; watching the sea waves roll on a wild and untamed beach.  When appreciating God’s creation, I see and experience the majesty of God.  I feel His presence and love.

In times of hardship, recovery, anguish, and absolutely in the good times too, sometimes what’s needed is an hour or two alone, hearing God speak through the work of His hands.

“The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge.” (Psalm 19:1-2).

Here is an amazing sermon by Louie Giglio on our indescribable God and His magnificient Creation.  It’s worth taking your time to watch.

“What if the primary purpose of the universe is not to be a home for you and me…but to show off the splendour and the majesty and the greatness and the glory of the God who created it all“.

“We are women of a different status,

this world we will impact.

We are women of a different status,

31 to be exact”.

I’m a perfectionist.  I’m tempted to now say, “you probably can’t tell from my blog though, it’s far from perfect!”, but that just demonstrates my perfectionist streak.

A few years back, I read that perfectionism is a sin and at the time I thought what?! No! It just means I have high standards and want to achieve the very best –nothing wrong with that.

But I’ve come to realize that my perfectionist tendencies are indeed debilitating and caging rather than useful and beneficial.  I’ve also come to understand that it’s less about achieving my best, but more about personal insecurities and needing to feel validated in some way.  It’s about trying to meet the expectations of others, rather than being content and confident in myself.

For example, I can sometimes spend months lamenting over what I said 5 months ago because it was incorrect in some way – whether factually, scripturally etc.

I used to agonize and have sleepless nights over my university coursework, because I believed it was just not the standard I expected of myself, it wasn’t PERFECT!

When I cook a meal for guests, I spoil it by continually apologizing…It’s too salty, too boring, too oily, not spicy enough, too tomatoey…

These may seem like little things, but they perpetually nag at the back of my mind.  As Edwin Bliss said: “The pursuit of excellence is gratifying and healthy. The pursuit of perfection is frustrating, neurotic, and a terrible waste of time.”   I certainly do feel neurotic with these “perfectionist” voices continually pecking at me.

But I am learning to let go of perfectionism.  What’s important is being in line with God’s will and not defining or seeking success according to other people’s notions.  I’m learning to be firm, secure and vocal about my convictions rather than consumed by worry about what so-and-so will say or think, or by focusing on what I’m not good at.

God created each one of us uniquely and with particular gifts, capabilities and personalities, all for a particular purpose.  I may not have great social skills – spend an hour alone in a room with me, you may want to tear your hair out for lack of conversation – but I’m blessed with other talents according to His will and for His plan.  You may sometimes put yourself down for not being good at something, for ‘failing’ at something in your life, perhaps for not knowing what you are good at, you may worry what your purpose is in life.  But get this:

“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:15-16).

God placed something special within you (and me).  Something to bring glory to Him.  It may not be what you (or I) want or expect, but His will for our lives is perfect.

Step away from the world and its expectations for a little while and go into the Secret Place of His presence: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

You may like: Graffiti Bridge to Life

Enough: Or, why we should all be laughing hysterically in the magazine aisle

I read a heart-rending story over at Rachel Held Evans’ blog which I feel so compelled to link up to, as I’m sure the story resonates with many who have been through/going through an addiction, eating disorder, or mental health problems, yet have felt so alone in the midst of their faith community:

Church stories: Facing my brother’s addiction.

An excerpt:

“I’m not sure when my brother died.

It’s tricky because while in some ways he’s very much alive – he breathes, eats, sleeps and has temporal mass –in others he is a walking ghost.

For at least the last decade and arguably several years longer, my baby brother has been an addict. Alcohol, women, opiates – he dabbles in many vices. All of them destructive. All of them expensive in myriads of ways. All of them symptoms of larger problems no professional can seem to accurately assess, diagnose or cure…

We are not a periphery family. My parents were close friends with much of our pastoral staff at the church I grew up in. In the past decade I have been a youth worker at several churches, worked at various faith-based nonprofits, served as a missionary and was a seminary student. The faith community is central to the bedrock of our family.

And yet people of faith have routinely sucked.

I have been told his addiction is my fault, my parent’s fault, Satan’s fault. I have been told I am simply not praying hard enough or I simply do not have enough faith. I have been told my life is too stressful for someone to be in community with me. I have been accused of being a bad youth worker since I couldn’t even keep my brother out of trouble. I have been told this is God’s plan for our family and if we just keep persevering, God’s glory will be known and it will all be worth it. I have been told that my suffering at my brother’s choice is simply “my cross to bear.”

None of that was helpful.

None of that was loving.

None of it was the correct response”.

Do click on the link above and check it out.

Shalom!

Quite a while ago I was enormously moved by a TV programme on body image, presented by ‘How To Look Good Naked’ stylist Gok Wan.   He specifically focused on UK youth and how they perceive their bodies, self-worth and identity.  Particularly memorable was a teenage girl who spent two hours DAILY editing photos of herself, inspired by pro-anorexia websites and dangerous ideals about what body shape/look is perceived as beautiful.  The case of this young lady is not an unusual one, but one example of the body hate that is widespread amongst our youth and which often remains long into adulthood (and which breaks my heart).

Whilst some say that we shouldn’t be overly concerned by low self-esteem (“just get over it!” sound familiar?), feelings of inadequacy actually affect’s someone’s spirit, self-belief and motivation.  It can destroy relationships and friendships through fear, comparison and jealousy.  If someone doesn’t feel empowered and comfortable with themselves, it affects that person’s mindset and what they think they will be able to achieve, and eventually what they will/will not achieve. When I thought less of myself than I should, I shrunk away from doing things (having fun, meeting people, participating in community groups), from expressing myself (I always believed I had no voice & no relevance, which opened the door for people to walk all over me), and therefore from making an imprint on the world around me.  What’s the big deal with low self-esteem? It is all-consuming and eats away at a person, eventually stopping them from achieving their goals and aspirations.  And in actuality, the issue is harmful because some people take their life because they don’t feel good enough/accepted/like they belong.

How do we break free from the cage of low self-esteem, comparison and harmful beauty standards?  It’s a lifelong commitment and vow to reject evil messages about ourselves and to challenge the ones from the world around us (from the magazines, the TV, from music lyrics & videos, from our peers).   It’s a conscious, day-by-day effort to think positively and wonderfully about what you look like and who you are, and to celebrate what your gifts and talents are.  For example, when I observed someone editing a photo of me I refused to let the incident go without challenging the mindset behind the editing.  Of course, the photo was to be uploaded onto a social media networking site, so the idea was that those freckles and blemishes made the picture less attractive to all the eyes that would be viewing the picture.  But I’m not out to impress anybody by conforming to any airbrushed standard, or to win the approval of all the people who will be seeing the photograph, or to be determined by the number of positive comments that would spring from such an airbrushed photo (in fact I get annoyed when someone clicks “like” when the photo of me is clearly airbrushed – “it’s not actually me!”).  So even if my friends or those close to me say otherwise, I am able to confidently say, as I did in the above example, in love and gentleness: “no, this isn’t right. God in His infinite wisdom and mystery created me like this.  I won’t be demeaned or made to feel inadequate.  I know my worth”.

Nobody has it all-together for all of the time.  We have bad days and let the world and remarks get us down, angry, hurt and upset.  I had to chastise myself the other day as my husband reminded me that I wasn’t practicing what I’m preaching, so to speak.  I was consumed with self-doubt, picking at what seemed to be my every flaw.  I even had a dream in which I was criticising my appearance!  But that isn’t a free life.  Nor is it the truth.  The Bible constantly reminds us to set ourselves apart, to not conform ourselves to the world, to fix our eyes on Him, to pursue righteousness rather than worldly pleasures.  This morning I was convicted of those very statutes.

It’s perhaps a cliché, but the truth is that inside each of us there is invaluable worth and on the outside of every one of us is beauty.  By changing the way we think and by purposefully abstaining from and challenging the messages around us which say otherwise – whether through the internet, mags, newspapers, or even our closest loved ones – we can see that God-given beauty in ourselves and in others.

I’m sorry this post wasn’t supported by more Bible verses.  I just wanted to encourage someone today through my own daily thoughts.  Perhaps here are a few appropriate verses to finish with:

• Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:12).
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).
• Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2).
• Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in them.  For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:15-17).

Admittedly, the title of this post seems a bit self-indulgent…and perhaps seemingly a little bizarre, because at 24 years of age I’m presently not actually a great deal older. But in the intervening years, I’ve learned a heap of stuff and God has worked His wonders in my life immensely.  In the journey of life, I’ve also benefitted enormously from those who cared to tell me their experiences to build me up.  And so I write the core things that I would tell my anguished, 18 year-old, struggling-with-an-eating-disorder self, in the hope that someone reading this (who is going through the same) may feel encouraged, or look to the future with greater hope.

• Stop killing yourself.  There are some pretty awesome things waiting there for you in your future: your husband, your daughter, a university degree, abundant joy, lots of travelling and meeting so many interesting people.  You wouldn’t want to miss out on all that.
• Having said some of the great things that are coming your way, don’t for a minute place all your hope in any earthly relationship/activity, or think that anybody else/anything can make you make you happy, or make you complete.  It is only God and His presence that satisfies, fulfils and brings a deep joy.  Your mama, your spouse, your children, your education, your friends, your career, money, acceptance etc. cannot please you always.  After all is said and done, you will lay your head on the pillow at night and will still be left with an emptiness within that gnaws at you.  It’s only the Holy Spirit’s presence and your walk with God that can fill that.  Seek God.  Read His Word.  Pray always.  Just be quiet and wait for Him to move. You’ll find everything you need there, I promise.
• Honour your parents, even when they don’t deserve it or you don’t understand why they are behaving in a certain way.  Your best interest is usually at the forefront of their minds.  Also don’t forget that for them, seeing you emaciated, unhealthy and on the verge of a self-inflicted death is upsetting and hurtful; so be patient when they get angry.  Honouring your parents will also teach you the kind of humility that Jesus lived out himself.
• The approval of society is, in fact, not worth an iota.  Acceptance from men and women is temporary and changes with the wind.  Don’t compromise the unique beauty in you to please somebody else.  There’s something special about you that nobody else has, so don’t lose it in a bid to please society. EMBRACE what makes you different (inside and out).
• You don’t actually have to ‘fit in’.  You don’t.  And why would you want to? It’s kind of boring to act, think, be, and dress like everyone else.  So hold your head up high, be bold and confident.
• Affirm yourself daily and constantly.  Whenever you’ve a bad hair day or feeling pretty bad about yourself, choose to reject evil thoughts about yourself.  Instead of saying “I look ugly today”, immediately rebuke those thoughts which tear you down and appreciate God’s glorious handwork in you, build yourself up: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My body is amazing and beautiful for it was the Lord who crafted it. Thank you God, for making my eyes/hair/mouth/belly/thighs/legs…so beautiful!”
• Happiness is a choice.  You don’t need to let anyone take away the joy that is rightfully yours through their actions or words.  Do you want to be happy? Joy is there! You just have to be ready to take it, to choose it, to live it out.
• True love is not a feeling; it’s a lifelong commitment and a choice to stick with someone through thick and thin (whether a family member, a friend, or a spouse).  True love is selfless, kind, and does not rejoice in evil.  Express this kind of love always, with God’s help.  It will be pleasing to God and it will make your relationships healthier and stronger.  It will make you happier, too.
• Treat others how you want to be treated.  Even if someone disrespects or offends you, clothe yourself nevertheless with dignity and respect.  And don’t lose your faith in humanity; there are some people out there who are selfless even to the point of death.  Or selfless enough to drop everything for you, just to help you at your hour of need.
• Look at the children around you; you can usually learn a lot more from them than you can from any adult.  They embrace life and live it to the full.  They run, laugh, eat, and are merry.  They look at themselves in the mirror and smile, even revel in their reflection.  Don’t let life’s circumstances make you jaded.  Learn from the little children!
• You should not tolerate being defined, treated, demeaned, judged, or limited according to your appearance.  For anybody that is more interested in dissecting your body, your clothes, your make-up, and your hairstyle rather than simply hanging out with you and enjoying your company, you may want to re-think whether you want them in your life.
• Don’t let comparison steal your joy (okay, I stole this from an unknown source, but it rings true).
• You’re amazing and beautiful, Rebekah. Inside and out.

Now to you guys, are there any nuggets of encouragement or life lessons that you would tell your younger self if you could? What has this journey taught you that you would pass onto your children/younger ones?  Drop a comment if you feel led to do so.

Peace unto you always, beautiful people.

P.S. You can find us on Twitter at: @Psalm_139_14   and our Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/FearfullyWonderfully

“Who am I,
What is the purpose of my life on this planet?

Many go through life unfulfilled, unfocused, searching..
A blank canvas waiting for a picture of purpose to be painted on it..
What does it all mean?
It was once said that there was a god-shaped blank in all of us,
we looked for many things to fill this, friends, fashion, ballspace, fornication and the facade of drug-induced fantasies, but follow me..”

“Women’s bodies are not our own but society’s”

~ Naomi Wolf.

Boy, I know the meaning and full depth of this quote.  All our lives, since birth into this world, society think it owns our bodies.  Society thinks it has a licence to dictate who fits its standard of beauty and who doesn’t; who qualifies to “fit in” according to their looks, and who doesn’t.  As we grow up, the pressure mounts (for both males and females) to look a certain way and to stay youthful and enduringly beautiful (whatever beautiful means anyway).  We’re encouraged to use whatever “add-ons” necessary (whether fake hair, fake tan, cosmetics, anti-acne cream, hair dye, bleaching lotions, jewellery, designer clothes, the list goes on…) in order to go one step further, to look that little bit more “attractive” or to achieve what fits the fashion bill at the time.

A few years back, appearance was a major obsession of mine – to an emotionally unhealthy degree.  I wouldn’t leave the house without having using all sorts of lotions and beauty products, which would result in a face full of piled-on make-up and excessively straightened hair.  I believed my popularity, self-worth and acceptance from others were all shaped by how I looked, so I took the appropriate steps to maintain some sort of feminine ideal.

However, for the past year or so I’ve been on an “au natural” campaign which involves using no lotions at all, no beauty products, no make-up, no hair styling, no clothes shopping, no visits to the hairdresser…NADA.  It’s not something I manage to keep up every single day in all honesty, but overall I think I’ve become pretty successful in it and I have just a little way to go until I can let go of old habits and obsessive behaviours.   And actually, by not being held down by consumerism and all things superficial, by asking God to pour out His love on me, by asking Him to show me how beautiful I am to Him, I feel liberated.  Finally.

But it doesn’t stop people from commenting on what they think I should change: “but the way you dress isn’t sexy”, “why don’t you do your hair like this?”, “you need to do x, y and z otherwise your husband will start looking elsewhere…”  This post isn’t meant to be a lament or life story, but to encourage anyone who thinks their success or place in life is measured by their outer appearance.   To lift up anyone who constantly compares themselves to a magazine index of beauty or to the pictures of models airbrushed to the hilt or even to their own peers.  For anyone who is being held back in achieving their dreams because of crippling low self-esteem.

Don’t let the evil and lies of this world hold you back or take your joy.  Don’t beat yourself up about how everyone else sees you because God has told us through Psalm 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  His ways are also higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.  That person rejected by society because of how he/she looks is still beautiful in the eyes of God the Creator and a glorious reflection of His handiwork.

But God doesn’t actually look at appearance, He looks at our hearts.  What is more important is the impact we are making in this world. In Chronicles 4, Jabez stood out amongst a LONG list of unmemorable names because he was more honourable than his brothers, because he prayed for God to be close to Him and because he cried out to God to enlarge his influence. The imprint we make on this world through our actions and how we impact the lives of others is something that will endure forever, but there’s nobody in this life that can hang onto the beauty of their outer appearance; we are living in a perishing world and every one of us is getting old.  What the LORD really requires of us is “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). 

Don’t allow low self-esteem or insecurity stop you from making your impact on the world or stop you from living a joy-filled, abundant life.  When people reject or put you down, ask God to renew, fill and satisfy you with His love. Ask Him to help you reject the lies that the world/people feed you and to give you strength and wisdom to walk according to His truth.

For anyone struggling in this area, I furthermore encourage you to read the poem I posted a couple of posts ago called “His image, His likeness” by Ayo Oduniyi. Try browsing the categories at the top of the page. Also, fill out the contact form and be in touch.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). 

http://www.rewritebeautiful.org/

“Rewrite Beautiful is a revolution to change how girls see beauty in themselves from the superficial to the concrete with art for the prevention of eating disorders and to equip them to use their creative skills to positively impact their communities”.

It is a revolution to define beauty as an ACTION, which can be found in an individual’s creativity, kindness and strength.  Rewrite Beautiful encourages girls (and women) to reject a harmful obsession with their bodies and instead focus on their gifts and talents that can be used to better their communities.

Rewrite Beautiful has some great values which drives its work with girls, but most outstandingly the organization promotes (in their own words):

“ARTISTRY– We believe every girl is a valuable and priceless piece of art; beautiful and created for a purpose. Whether or not she is a straight A student who volunteers her time, or an Anorexic addicted to drugs and living at a bus stop; we believe both are equally beautiful”.

“STRENGTH– Mental and physical strength are required to accomplish any great goal. We seek to build confident, self aware girls who value their own opinions and values over what is popular. We educate girls to value their bodies and nourish themselves with healthy food and healthy relationships”.

“CREATIVITY – Each and every person has a different set of interests, skills and talents. Diversity makes beauty. We seek to establish opportunities where girls can be creative and discover their gifts”.

“KINDNESS– We believe in investing in lasting beauty. The action of kindness can not be purchased, it’s purpose is to be given away. Our programming and curriculum teaches kindness as an action to build as apart of a girls character”.

This is only a taster of Rewrite Beautiful’s work.  For lots more information, visit their site: http://www.rewritebeautiful.org/ and check out what they’re doing.  Read their blog, find out how they can help you and join the revolution to redefine beauty!

Peace!

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30). 

The above clip shows one of the most famous events of the 1992 Olympics.  Derek Redmond was competing in the 400-metre semi-final race when he tore his hamstring.  Derek would have put in years of training to take part in this momentous sporting event, but his dreams came crashing down in that one moment.  Still determined to finish the race, he got up off the floor, pushed through the pain of his injury and got a standing ovation from the crowd as he crossed the finishing line.  What was even more special was that Derek’s father defied security and ran onto the race-track to help his son to finish.  It was a poignant scene not only because it showed a young man’s determination, but also because it reflected the love and support of a father.

This is what God does daily in our lives – He carries us through.  Life brings us burdens every day which we can get weighed down by, but we aren’t alone in what we face: “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation” (Psalm 68:19).  God is at always our side supporting us, loving us and strengthening us to bear our burdens.

I’ve not always appreciated His presence when He’s picked me up from one fall or another, but He’s always been there.  I look back at the race-track of my life so far and I thank Him for carrying me through, for dusting me off when I’ve fallen, for lifting my chin up and bringing me redemption from my shame.

Instead of feeling dejected by our circumstances, choices or what life throws at us, we can take inspiration from the athlete Derek Redmond.  Through our pain and broken dreams, we can choose to get back up and carry on because our Heavenly Father is beside us.

For more on God’s love, check out: http://www.365promises.com/

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you” (Isaiah 46:4).